30 Days
How ordinary words become extraordiary gestures…
There is nothing more ordinary than the two simple words “thank you” - in whatever your language may be. We say it (hopefully) when someone holds open the door, hands us a beverage, checks us out at a retail store, etc.
Likely, our parents stood over us when we were small and told us to, “say thank you.” We may do that to our own kids too. On one hand, teaching manners is important; on the other, it makes saying “thank you” reflexive like flushing the toilet or brushing teeth. Our brain is accustomed to it, almost as if we do it on autopilot…. as if it lacks intention.
Ever gotten a thank you that you still remember? Over the years, I’ve probably received a number of high quality “thank yous.” But when I was preparing Day 5, one in particular came to mind.
I’ve always been in the habit of sending people job links or articles when I think they might find them relevant. Usually they respond with something like, “Hey Abbie, thanks a lot!” and that’s a great exchange.
However, one time, the response took me back, so much so that I still remember it (sent in 2009). So I dug it out from my email to include it here. After sending a friend a few jobs leads, this message came back to me: “Thanks Abbie!!! You Rock. Seriously. For you to have the generosity and presence of mind to sort out and send me these leads means so so much to me. Thank you.”
Oh, well ok then, you’re welcome…! :)
As I look back on it now, I think the reason this “thank you” has stayed with me is because it says so much more than “thank you.” The subtext feels a little like this: “I see you Abbie and you are good. Look at how good you are: you’re generous and attentive and considerate.” Interestingly, the sender and I aren’t really in touch anymore, for no other reason than changing life circumstances, but the “thank you” - that lives on.
Perhaps, we can’t always thank each other with this level of intensity, but perhaps we can add a little more intention and thought now and again. Or even often….
So have you ever received a “thank you” like this? Have you given one? Something to consider in today’s reflection.
Adding intention, thoughtfulness and specificity to “thank you” - gives the ordinary a chance to become extraordinary. We infuse our days with greater meaning and connection. Below are a few tips:
Thank you with intention starts with paying attention. It means recognizing that indeed there is another person on the other side of this exchange - that includes customer service representatives and people online whom we cannot physically see. It means opening up to their humanity.
If you are physically in the same space with someone, practice saying “thank you” with eye contact. It doesn’t have to feel creepy or awkward, just enough to actually “see” one another.
As we become more attentive and pay more attention, it becomes easier for “thank you” to become “thank you for…”. That is to say “thank you” can become:
“thank you for the immense generosity that you’ve have shown me so many times”
“thank you for your patience when you have every right to be upset”
“thank you for taking the time to explain this in detail”
“thank you for the effort and thoughtfulness you put into taking care of my grandmother…”
We may think such “thank yous'“ should be reserved for the “big stuff.” But try telling someone behind the counter at a local deli: “I see how carefully you’re preparing my sandwich. Thank you for that.” You may be surprised how you change their day and yours. If it feels vulnerable, perhaps do it anyway? Within each “thank you” is a seed of opportunity.
Finally, consider sending a hand-written “thank you” letter the next time you feel inspired to thank someone for their generosity or presence. In the age of modern and rapid technology, taking time to write and send a letter signifies its own meaning and intention.
For reflection: What makes a “thank you” meaningful to you? Are there any “thank yous” you remember giving or receiving? Now would also be a great time to thank your buddy for coming along on this journey with you. What specifically have you appreciated about them?
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Here’s a video where a group of random participants are asked to think of the person who means the most to them, or someone who has deeply influenced them. They then write down why they picked that person.
THEN, the participants are asked to call that person and read what they wrote, though not all of them are still living.
This video makes the connection with giving (genuine) thanks to others and the one things we all love: happiness
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1) A 3 Minute Meditation on a time we received a meaning “thank you”
2) 8 Minute General Gratitude Meditation with music (if you are practicing with a Buddy)
OR
If you are short on time, this 3 breath practice can be done after you write your list:
With eyes closed or lowered gaze
Inhale for 5 counts
Hold for 5 counts
On the exhale, call to mind the 1st item on your list
Repeat with the second and third items
You can also try to add a smile or hand on chest to this practice
Gratitude Message for your Buddy
After writing, scroll down to the GREEN button: ‘SEND TODAY’S MESSAGE.’
DO NOT click on the PINK button at the bottom right or you will lose what you have written.
Optional prompt
Day 10: Meaningful “Thank you”
Today you’re invited to reflect on thanking others and receiving thanks.